kenoscomm | ota;

[ This isn't exactly something he does. Not on this scale, at least.

This communion's presence is akin to stepping off into the vacuum of space, cold and dark and empty. A void without feeling, submersed into nothingness — but deep enough there's also the faint pulse of a drowned, hurting heart. And even though it's coming from Amos, there's the sense of him curiously poking at it like an open wound.

It has been a couple of weeks since he killed Cyrus, a fact he has not bothered to hide. A couple of weeks since he has been forced to contend with the responsibility he bears for the deaths of innocents in Springstar, and so — ]

Hey.

[ When he speaks his voice is soft, and gentle, and something that could maybe even be called repentant. Or at least trying to be, the concept being a very, very, very new one for him. ]

So, I've been doing some thinking. There was this time I got caught up in a mass casualty event. Lady I knew then was a nurse, so she was doing what she could, because it had to be done. She also took the time to spend time with the dead. All of them, I think. I didn't really get it then, but I think maybe now...

[ He trails off, fumbling with his words. That pulse maybe grows a little stronger, and then he's back. ]

I dunno how feasible it is, but we should be collecting the names of everyone who died during all of this. When we make the new world — [ because there is no doubt in his mind that Zenith is going to succeed, and their new world will be made — ] we can build some kind of monument. Put everyone's names on it. Give people a space to take their moments with them, even if they ain't here anymore.

I know this don't exactly fix anything, but it's a start. I can keep track of the names. [ There's another pause, and when Amos speaks again, he's much more sure of himself. ] I won't forget them.

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Tch...

Do you intend to collect the names of everyone who dies in this war?

[Yuber's heavy presence bubbles up over the Communion but instead of the usual sense of oppressive power behind it, there is a sense of polite curiosity.

Humans have such strange customs.]

Or was there something about this last battle that was different?

[ And he regards that polite curiosity respectfully, mulling over how to answer Yuber's question. ]

Starting from now, yeah. Everyone's names. We haven't really had battles like this before — more like skirmishes, or fighting during an Oracle, but this was different. Like everyone knows it's a war now.

[ A beat, because he really isn't sure how to word this next part, before deciding to push ahead anyway. ]

I think it's something I'm supposed to do now, anyway. Now that I'm fully harmonized with Zenith. Didn't really feel that way before — so I guess that's what's different, too.

I don't understand but as long as you don't expect me to go easy on the Meri I don't have any problem with this monument of yours.

[And for a moment it seems like he's going to leave it at that. His oily presence starts to withdraw, but then, suddenly, it springs forward.

Within the cold vacuum of space there is a sense of something immense filling the darkness. It leans forward and draws inward, peering at Amos.

If they were standing together in person, Yuber would be staring deep into Amos's eyes, searching for anything meaningful within them.]

Hmm...

...I've heard that wading too deep into the powers of Zenith or Meridian is dangerous. That it corrupts you.

Aside from this...sentimentality, what else has changed in you?

[ Shit, despite his confidence Amos is having a hell of a time understanding, too. It's like he's fumbling with too many shopping bags, but somehow finding the way to carry them all the same — heavy, and kind of inconvenient, but without any drops. ]

You don't gotta go easy. But if you kill anyone, if you could get their name for me, I'd appreciate it.

[ That much is said plainly at least, unaffected by the whole thing of talk of murder resurfacing. It's going to happen; no point in fighting it.

And then Amos takes a step back for distance but otherwise peers upwards at that presence staring down into him, his own mental state not changing much — an acknowledgment of surprise, a bit of wariness, but otherwise staying even-keeled. Yuber is an ally; he will stay with him, answer his questions as best he can. ]

Is this sentimentality? [ Answer with a question of his own; Amos isn't entirely sure. ] I just... I'm not a good person. I want to be. The thing that's different is that I think fully accepting Zenith is going to get me there where it wasn't possible before.

I'll take that every day of the week.

Give me a break.

[There's the impression of the vast presence tilting its head.]

I've known "good" people. They're all dead.

[Many of them didn't even die at his hands. The world has a way of destroying good people.]

Why do humans think goodness is so important?

I don't know. [ It comes out as a frustrated hiss, more directed at himself than at Yuber. ] I don't know why goodness is important. I have wanted it as long as I can remember, but I can't tell you why. I just... I know what it feels like to be in the shit, okay? And I don't fuckin' want that for anyone else.

[ He tilts his own head at the presence, small but sturdy against it — sturdier, as Zenith swirls around him, in all his conviction. ]

Good people are dead. So're bad ones. That part doesn't make a difference. I think what does is what you do when you're still around, and all I know is I want to do good.

I still don't understand it.

[Yuber admits.]

Goodness doesn't seem to serve any practical function. All it does is make humans feel guilty when they fail to live up to their own ideals.

...Maybe humans enjoy feeling guilty? I wouldn't know.

[There is a ripple in the darkness, similar to a pond being teased by a light breeze. Yuber is simply making an observation, like a bird watcher commenting on nesting behavior. In his mind this is a casual conversation.]

I wouldn't know either.

[ Because Amos does not think he feels guilt. (He does — it's just so buried he might as well not feel it at all, thoroughly shut out from his own consciousness. Still there, though.) He's a human, but looking in from the outside; a step halfway removed from humanity, halfway removed from Yuber. Caught awkwardly in a frosted window pane, able to see fuzzy shapes inside, but not a whole lot more. ]

It's stupid. I get it. [ Feeling guilt. ] There is practicality in being good, though. It means you've got people with you. You get enough people, you can band together, make something good. Something safe, for the people who aren't like you and me. [ Because despite Yuber's everything, he sees enough of himself in him to make the comparison between the two of them. ] We need that. So there's a purpose to it.

Just want to be on the side of it, is all.

[ Because as much as Amos doesn't think it of himself, he is still human, and there remains that yearning for him. ]

ota;

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