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pumpkin scissors: alice l. malvin

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[What comes first through the flung open door of Alice's communion is warmth. To some a warm spring day, to others an inviting hearth banked to a low, slow fire. Or maybe it's a campfire, a ring of bright light against the encroaching darkness. However it is viewed it's inviting, calling for rest and calm.

She's nudged her way into several communions by now but she's never opened herself up at large and it shows. Or maybe it's just that Alice is never one to hide much save the emotions she keeps buried away beyond the light of her fire and warmth.

Alice herself ... well, her image of herself is fuzzy. Ever present fire eats at her heels and in times of passion might silhouette her. She herself though is only as sharp as her mental image of herself and she's obviously not that great at conjuring it up.

At least she still feels warm though? And her tone of voice is the same even if her words are quite business-like.]

I apologize if I'm doing this wrong in some way.

[Apology given, she dives in.]

I would like to find someone to commission a sword from. I wish to be prepared for future fighting and in order to do so I really do need to keep up my training with my other weapons as well. My current weaponry can only offer so much in terms of weight and distance.

[... Should she give an example of what she wants to commission? She's drawn up something by hand, exact specifications given from memory and years of handling this particular weapon of hers.

Amusingly -- or maybe not -- Alice's mental image of the Mähne is much clearer than her mental image of herself. It's a good six foot in length, two longswords butted end to end with grips between them.]

I have saved up some for this and am willing to work off the extra should what I have not cover the cost fully.

[... How do you close these out? Just ... leave it open for communication? There's a sweep of heat as Alice flusters just a touch.]

Th-thank you. I appreciate any assistance that can be offered.

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I suppose there's no harm in that, but I also feel as if...

[ He pauses to consider his words. ]

Whatever expectations others might hold over you, you've chosen your path and... it's not a bad one, so I don't know if the weight of their expectations ought to be something you feel badly about. Although I don't know if I can comment too much...

[Alice pauses a moment. Something like a faint smile breezes through her communion.]

Comments and outside perspectives can be good things.

[That said, she wonders if delving deeply into this isn't a bit much. Is it fair to talk so much about her feelings with someone who didn't precisely reply to hear them? It feels an awful lot like unloading and Alice ... doesn't unload on others. They unload on her. That's what she wants after all, isn't it?

She tilts her head.]

It's part of my duty as a noble to hear everyone's expectations of me. Whether I can fulfill them or not depends on my own expectations of myself.

While that's certainly true to an extent - a noble or royal should listen to those they are meant to rule - I don't know about expectations. I found it hard to bear those sorts of things in the past, although... I'm doing better now.

[ Long story, really. ]

So I suppose it's not about dismissing outside perspectives and knowing when and where to take them into account.

[It's harder to bear your own expectations of yourself while knowing what others expect as well. Yeah, just gonna stuff that reply in the covered pit of her emotions, thanks.]

Very much so. I can't say I bear the same weight that royalty must feel but I also can't know the weight of a civilian either. Not truly. I will always have been raised in privilege. It is an outside perspective that allows me to understand the troubles of both and in some way understand how they view justice.

Justice... we all think of it differently, don't we?

[ He sighs softly. ]

Although in the end, we can only be guided by others. We have to find what matters to us personally... and hold onto it as tight as we can.

[There she pauses a moment. It's strange to hear something like her own words echoed back in a different way.]

... Yes. Everyone's version of justice is different.

[But.]

Do you think there is an ultimate form of justice somewhere out there, perhaps beyond our reach at this moment?

...I don't know. That would imply there's some universal form of justice that applies to all of us, wouldn't it?

Yes. With every time we define and redefine justice, collide against one another and break each other's concepts of justice apart, we build upon our understanding of what justice is and can be to all of us.

[She pauses a moment. She'd already gone over this with Shaula, spoke at length about how she viewed justice. She understood how simple she seemed but it burns in her regardless.]

An idealistic thought perhaps but there is nothing wrong with idealism. One can strive towards an ideal.

[ That's familiar enough. There's an emotion there - understanding. Maybe a little sadness, too. ]

Yes. One can strive towards an ideal, reaching for that perfect world one wishes to build.

It's a beautiful thing.

[ And terrible, in its own way. ]

[She can resonate with the sadness too. For a moment though it's only gratefulness that can sweep through her communion.]

Yes. Realistically ... life is fraught with individual battles. Against those battles not many have the luxury of ideals.

[How well she knows that. How often she has seen it in others. Ideals don't save children from starving or bring back those lost to fighting and war.

Her voice is soft.]

I know not everyone can strive for ideals. I am privileged to be a noble and have the ability to do so.

Some people strive for them at the cost of all else. There is... purity in that, if not always wisdom.

[ He's lost too many people to really be that romantic about it, though. ]

I hope your ideals are good ones. And that they bring you your own sense of peace.

[... Peace, hm? Alice's vague mental self seems. Confused perhaps?]

I suppose it does?

[Has she ever thought about her own sense of peace? Maybe now is when her sister's concerns should echo a little more firmly.]

I do enjoy fulfilling my duties.

To be sure of what you are doing, to know that you are doing right... it's something I think is worthwhile.

[ Although he's seen it go terribly wrong in the past, honestly. ]

... I believe what I'm doing is right, yes. At the very least I am sure in my ideal of justice.

[How does she put this though.]

At times it feels inadequate however.

Inadequate? How so?

[She sort of freezes up for a moment here.]

I --

[Mmh.]

I arrived here at trying time at home. It's ... given me a lot to consider.

I think I understand. I've... dealt with those trying times myself.

[There's a strain of understanding to her tone. She's thankful he does understand.]

I can imagine so.

[Given his role his trying times must be harder than her own ... or so she thinks at least. The problems of a noble can't be the same as the problems of royalty.]

When I say inadequate though ... people wish for results, not ideals. I am happy to put my ideals to action of course but things are never quite that easy.

[She's quick to wave a fuzzy mental image hand here.]

Not that I think they ever would be easy. Sometimes though when you arrive too late or your actions aren't enough ...

[Well. That's what she means by inadequate. She won't delve into how she herself is inadequate of course, that's a bit much to dig into even if she could.]

Not everyone can be saved. No one can succeed all of the time - and those failures weigh heavily.

[ He doesn't think he needs to know specifics. It sounds familiar enough to him. Something he can grasp and something he wrestles with himself. ]

But even so... the effort alone is something to be thought of and remembered.

I do agree there. Any effort is better than not trying at all.

[Though when it comes to guilt, well ... that can be cold comfort sometimes. There's some cheer to her voice again though.]

Which is of course why it's important to keep my skills sharp. The idea of practicing more with other types of weaponry is a welcome one. Alongside regular blades I'm experienced with swordbreakers as well if you know of those.

Sword-breakers? Yes, I know of them, although they're not common in my own land. It would be interesting to give them a try...

[ They can nerd out about weapons together. ]

Perhaps I can commission some of those as well. Swords breakers are excellent as an off-handed weapon. I used them fairly often during my academy days.

I'd be interested in getting my hands on one for a bit of practice. I wonder if it would work against lances... although there's less cutting with a lance.

[Alice's fuzzy mental image perks up a good bit. Yes, nerding out about weaponry and fighting techniques is very much her thing.]

It's worth a try. My experience against lances and other blunt weapons is chiefly with civilians -- I've never used weaponry of my own against them. However I can certainly see the advantages of an offhanded parrying dagger with the main gauche technique against lances. Redirecting the force and energy of a weapon can open up a window of striking opportunity in the midst of a fight after all.

It certainly can. Especially if you can exploit the opportunity to get inside their reach.

[ Hmmm. ]

Although I never ran into such a thing when I was using one - nor have I. I'd be interested in experimenting.

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